Yo-Yo Queen

How's this for motivation? OMG. You could park a truck across my arse.

Sometimes I'm just SO sick of myself and the trends/habits I allow for myself. It appears that I am the queen of following a program, and then the queen of going all wild and crazy and throwing caution to the wind. Why is it SO hard to find a middle ground? Why do I always find so much guilt, and either let it rule me, or live in denial to it?

I don't know. But I just feel so strongly that I have GOT to find my way. I'm not sure what that is, really, but I've got to find it. I really admire those women who either a. don't think about this stuff, or b. only ever have five pounds to lose.

I don't know that I'll ever belong to the women of group a. but I'd love to be one of the women in group b. When I keep finding myself facing 60, 70, or 80 lbs to lose suddenly being 5 lbs over goal seems like no big deal. I need to find a way to look at it all as if it's no big deal, and just DO it.

I finally got up the gumption to track my weight in the WW Online tracker two or three weeks ago. I tracked again last week, down .2. I then lost two to three pounds due to vertigo (ugh, no fun), but as soon as I started eating again there it was. Again.

So I've made a few very small changes. Last night I chose leftover steak, broccoli salad, and egg noodles with a splash of EVOO and spices over PIZZA. I'm craving some pizza, and may need to have some. But last night I was craving protein and veggies, and so that's what I had. I marked my start weight two weeks ago, and I'm working on finding ways to live with myself. One of these is that I've made steps towards getting the dogs out for trail walks. They love it, I love it, and they'll be in much better shape come trial season than they have been. They'd better get in shape because they'll be working at Robin's trials in March and April.

So here are my few small changes:

1. Back to tracking. Even if it's abysmal.

2. Two bottles of water daily.

3. One or two fruits/veggies daily.

4. Dog walks - at least two a week. For now.

I'm planning to start Zumba with my sister, but I've got to get a few pounds off first.

Now, for the good news. In all of this floundering around I still have not gained back all of the weight I'd previously lost. This is something for me, because my usual pattern is lose it, gain it, and then some.

So here's to getting back on the horse, even if it's just a pony!